I'll tell you what you don't need.

 

The galloping housewife is home from a well overdue mini break. 4 days in the sunshine were just what the doctor ordered. Daily swims in the ocean, reading trashy novels and nothing more mentally taxing than deciding what cocktail to order next. It was one of those all-inclusive type holidays, jam packed on an agency owned plane with a whole lot of stressed, sweaty and pale Brits on the way out, and sunburnt, happy, relaxed Brits on the way back. While we did half board rather than full board, the food was outrageously good and the galloping housewife ate and drank nearly everything in sight. She has come home bloated and happy and a full 2kgs heavier – yes, in just 4 days.. It was worth every single strained button.

The galloping housewife knows that most, if not all of that weight will be gone in a week. She’ll do it without depriving herself and has absolutely no intention of spending hours on a treadmill. She knows that in just 7 days by choosing wisely what she puts into her mouth she can reverse the effects of punishing her body in this way. And punishment it is. While the food (and drink) was delicious to consume, the effects were noticeable and almost immediate. She slept poorly, she felt lethargic and her brain was foggy. Perfect for a holiday when a siesta is accepted normal behaviour, but for a busy working week? Not so much.

The galloping housewife knows that you’re just itching for information – you’re probably sitting there screaming ‘just tell me what to do and I’ll do it’ but the thing is, that’s the last thing that you need. You don’t need another list of rules to follow, you don’t need a prescription of exactly what to eat and which exercise regime to follow. You need to understand what works and why, and how to assimilate that knowledge into your daily life. The world is full of rigid diets and strict bootcamps, every time you open a magazine or Instagram there is another celebrity telling you ‘this is how I went from flabby (*cough* *splutter*) to Batman in 21 days’ or posts advertising whatever the next fad is –  low carb, vegan, intermittent fasting, macrobiotic, ketogenic, weight watchers, meal replacements…

The thing is, all of these diets work - to varying degrees. They work best if they suit you and your lifestyle perfectly. If they appeal to taste buds, your time available, your budget. If they are sustainable for you. And therein lies the problem, because none of them will. You’ll follow them religiously for a bit and maybe see some great results, but them life gets in the way. And when it does, you won’t know what to do. You won’t know which parts you absolutely need to stick to, to still get results, and which bits you can safely let slide. You won’t know what to do if you find yourself rolling home from a great holiday and with no hope of buttoning up your tail coat for the show at the weekend.

The only plan that works long term is one that you follow. And for you to follow it long term, it needs to be simple to understand, easy to implement, fun to pursue, be particular to your taste buds and align with your budget. If that sounds like you, stick around my friends, the galloping housewife is here to help!

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