Yard Goals

This week in the galloping housewife’s lucky bitch quest, she has been suffering the insufferable as she desperately seeks to find a yard worthy of her precious Perfect Percy. And maybe Delightful Des as well.


Having recently moved North of the Border, part of the hindrance to the process is the fact that she’s only just somewhere for her two legged family to live. It seems that houses big enough to house her, two adult children and two ‘not so adult’ adults working from home are few and far between. The bonus is, being this far north, the rentals are as cheap as chips, which of course means more money for her to spend on what is important. Her horses.


She has, however, done some digging and even stuck her nose into a few places. The rest of the hindrance is her boundaries. And the fact that she’s been really, properly, spoilt by her previous experiences.


She needs all the facilities. Extensive, safe turnout. An option for even just half an hour loose in a large, all weather yard in all but the most inclement weather. A covered walker for when it’s simply too shit out there. Big, safe, well maintained loose boxes that are kept immaculate. A feed regime that is comprehensive and flexible. Indoor and outdoor arenas. Well equipped tackrooms that are warm and secure. A toilet and cuppa facilities on site. Good hacking at the door step. Safe & secure tie up & wash down spaces. Staff living on site.


She needs great people. Cheerful & happy & welcoming. People who obviously care about their charges, who become invested in the experience of all who pass through their yard. People who take great pride in their work, which is most easily assessed by how they look after their space. There is nothing wrong with old, safe & functional. The galloping housewife worked in just such a facility in New York, and managed one in Chipping Campden. The boxes were spotless, picked several times a day as well at the yard being swept almost constantly. Gear cleaned and put away as soon as possible. Rugs folded and stored neatly when not in use.


She needs full service. While she delights in a day hanging out with her pony when time allows and 4FS she went to the Olympic selection trials without a groom – she clearly isn’t afraid of picking up the odd pitchfork or two, her life and work means that time is one thing that is not always plentiful. She needs to know that if she can’t get out to the yard for a day or a week or a month, her pride and joy is being looked after as well as she would do. She also needs to be able to duck out to the yard, throw some tack on and have a quick school without retrieving said beastie from the furthest field and spending half an hour chipping away layers of dried mud.


Do you know how scarce these places are? Hen have more teeth. She’s said it once and she’ll say it again, if anyone has the resources to develop such a facility and provide such a resource, there would be an endless supply of custom. Just save 2 (maybe 4) spaces for the galloping housewife if you do!


In the meantime, she’ll keep looking. She needs to bring Perfect Percy home.

cartoon of a horse eating a hay net in a stable wearing a fluffy rug

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