Who the hell is the galloping housewife?
The galloping housewife is an ordinary middle-aged mother of two extraordinary (mostly in a good way) teenagers, married (mostly happily) to a ginger, protected by a designer dog and owned by a psychotic cat. She runs two successful businesses, has ridden at international level for her country and still rocks a flash frock.
Oh, you want the long version?
She didn’t ride her first affiliated dressage test until she was almost 30, yet she still managed to train her first ever dressage horse from Novice to Grand Prix and then qualified for the Olympics. She trained as an RN straight out of high school and has nursed for 20 years, mostly in paeds and A&E. She had never run her own business until landing in the UK some seven years ago and after managing to lose her entire life savings and almost drown in debt she figured shit out and is now the owner of two successful businesses. This year she thought to hell with all the doom and gloom and bought herself a ridiculous little Connemara called Percy and together they’ve taken giddy heights of the unaffiliated 80cm world by storm. In her spare time, she does stuff like water skiing and hiking and is fit and rocking a bikini despite her advancing years.
There’s a whole bunch of other weird facts, like being the first New Zealander born in South Korea, periods spent milking cows for a living, a season throwing bombs and swinging underneath helicopters just so she could ski for free, a stint on a reality TV show, summers spent at sea on a variety of yachts & launches, a year as an undocumented worker in a showjumping barn in upstate New York, a year living under the Hostile Environment (not related) and the time when she nearly vomited on a sitting British Prime Minister (also not related). But I digress…
What does she actually do?
There are so many vomit inducing phrases that would normally appear here. What she does is show you that it is possible to have a bloody good time and be the rich bitch, the skinny bitch and the lucky bitch of your dreams.
Why does she do it?
Like Edison said when he finally nailed the lightbulb: ‘I didn’t fail. I was successful in finding 10,000 ways that didn’t work’.
She got sick of everyone complaining about being fat and being broke and hating their lives. She’s been through some shit in her life. She’s taken the hard road just about everywhere, made just about every mistake in the book, and written a few pages all of her own.
She understands. She also knows what works.
The galloping housewife has your lightbulb. She’ll show you how to love your life or make money or get fit. No sweat. (And that’s a promise!) It’s time to take back control, bitches.
Where can you find her?
Here, obvs. She writes blogs. On social. Never on the phone, she won’t answer.
The very best place is in your inbox. Sign up below.*
*Before you sign up for anything, a few warnings.
Don’t do it if swearing and shit offends you.
While she does not believe in hard work, the galloping housewife is not your enabler. She is not polite and is not known for her tact.
She is unapologetic and honest to a fault.
If you’re looking for a hand holder or a guru, best you keep clicking.
How can you work with her?
Ha! You’re a glutton for punishment, now aren’t you? If her free stuff isn’t enough for you, then there are courses, both self directed and more personalised.
In the meantime, please sign up below. Don’t say she didn’t warn you.