OK, gorgeous. So you’re all amped and want to get cracking improving your life. Super. What’s the first step? You already know this, but it’s not what you think.

 The galloping housewife will tell you that wisdom is the ability to take your own advice, and she also knows that every middle-aged woman is far wiser than she thinks she is. Rather than trying to figure out what you’d tell yourself to do though, it’s often easier to ask ourselves what we’d advise a bestie to do.

 Your BFF is supposed to meet you in a roof top cocktail bar in the city. It’s something you two have planned for ages – you’ve made the time, you’ve had your hair and nails done, you’ve dusted off the flash frock and you’ve relearned how to stand on heels without falling off. It’s going to be a night of ridiculously decadent imbibing of the celebrity mixologists creations, and you’re going to get progressively more loud and less inhibited as you discuss everything from your kids gender identity to your solutions to the climate crisis to the colour of the seats in your new car to reminiscing about that time you both bunked school to go to the horse show and it all went well until you fell off and ended up in hospital and your form teacher never forgave you.

 Only your BFF calls you in desperation when she realises that she thought you were going to another venue and she has absolutely no idea when this trendy new establishment is, despite her being the damn one that suggested it in the first place.

 What the first thing you say to her? Do you say it’s the third door on the right after Prada? That’s just stupid – it’s the last instruction. Do you say take the next left and walk two blocks to main and turn right? Of course not. It might be the first step, but there’s something else you need, and she needs, before she can even do that.

 You need to know exactly where the fuck she is.

 Everything depends on that.

 This is why the first week of sort your shit out will be spent on assessing exactly where you are now.

 It’s a tough week, it’s a revealing week, and you’ll come out of it feeling relieved and oh so positive. You’ll find out exactly how empowering it is to know where you stand. You’ll find the resources you have that you’d never recognised. You’ll look at exactly what is working for you and what is not. You’ll be on your path to freedom.

 Just know that no matter how bad it is, there will be something good to take away. Every builder knows that rock bottom is the most stable of foundations to build on.

Till tomorrow, when you’ll finally be able to take that next step toward your new life.

See you later bitches,

the galloping housewife






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